did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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