This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
