Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
