Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize