We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize