i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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