I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
