It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize