I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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