Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
