Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
