Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
