and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize