My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
