He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
