just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
