Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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