we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
