a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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