He kissed a someone with a penis
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
