Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
