the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
