Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
