Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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