her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
