evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
