I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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