you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
