he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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