i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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