Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize