PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
