EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
