I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
