the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
