wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I want her autograph on my taint
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
