Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
