Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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