Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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