he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
