So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
