Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize