The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
