doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
