I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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