ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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