I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
