Please, let me fuck your mom
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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