i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize