i think my tv is drunk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
