So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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