I wish I could punch you in the face.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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