You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
