I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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