Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
