..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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