She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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