I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
