Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
