it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
