so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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