at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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