I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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