was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
