gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
