But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize