fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
