hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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