just tell him i said nine months
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
