Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize