We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
