told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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