I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
