Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize