And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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