the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
