I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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