she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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