i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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